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I've been off caffeine since last Monday. It's been a quite an adventure. I decided to get off when I realized that caffeine's "benefit" is only an illusion. I'm a software engineer (computer programmer) and we're typically caffeine junkies. One reason is that it increases our focus, and we need focus. Another is that, as demands are laid on us, it can take a lot of energy to get everything done, shift gears, etc. I'm sure this is typical of many professions, but it's acute in software engineering, because we have to hunker down and focus intently on solving problems at an almost mathematical level while being bombarded with problems to solve. It's like taking the math SAT's 8 hours a day and constantly being asked to switch tests.
My enlightenment came when I realized that first of all it was only an illusion that caffeine helped with focus. It increased my focus on single tasks, but decreased my ability to think laterally and bring other resources to bear on problems I was trying to solve. So, it wasn't really helping. Secondly, it was only an illusion that it gave me energy. It would up my energy for a short time, but then I'd crash off and be real low energy. I'd need another caffeine hit. I had to keep drinking coffee just to stay awake and focused.
So, realizing that there was no point in caffeine, I set about quitting. I bought what they call "herbal coffee" (Teecino is the brand I chose). It's not coffee, but it comes in grounds that you can make hot beverages out of that smell and taste a little like coffee -- and it's all natural and 20 calories per mug. It allowed me to have that warm cup and that aroma that's part of the coffee addict experience.
I slowly went down one cup a day a week. That is, I was up to 3-4 cups of coffee a day, so my first week, I reduced to 2-3, then to 1-2 the following week and finally to one last week. Each step was hard, but worth it.
The first week was hell. I was not only tired, but angry. It seemed unaccountable. I'd just find myself thinking about something that happened a few days ago that would normally bug me mildly and find myself really upset about it. Then, I realized it was my body that was doing it. It was used to having caffeine and was craving it. It was putting me on edge.
The second week was still bad, but I started to feel something new. My energy was coming back! I could do it! I could live with only one cup a-day, maybe 2 or a cup of tea or a cola in the afternoon. I felt a steady energy coming back into my being without so much caffeine.
The third week was hell all over again, though. I realized that I was down to no cups at all. The really big hurdle was getting passed not being able to start my day with a cup of coffee. That had been a ritual for me. It was far more meaningful than just jacking myself up. But, I knew, I felt that I needed to get totally off, so I stuck it out. I was tired all day Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday, things got slightly better.
The worst part was that I was having other withdrawal symptoms. I would get shaky in the late afternoon and evening. I also realized that my physical sensitivity was up during the withdrawals. However, I also came to see that when I was got passed my withdrawal symptoms, I'd I was both calm and vibrant with a steady energy, and my physical sensitivity was down. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But, Thursday, I was at a tipping point. I was energetic all morning. There was an energy welling up inside of me. It was slow and steady, but definitely there. The weekend was great. I felt energy springing back into me, with only mild dips in energy when I would have had caffeine.
By the following Monday, though, I was back to work and feeling bad again. Part of it was that my morning coffee ritual was a bigger deal starting my work day than starting a weekend day. It was sluggish getting through my days.
Now it's Thursday. I'm feeling great! Mostly! I have a steady energy, but it's much more than that. There's something I never had while I was on caffeine that goes along with it: stamina. There's a resilience to my new energy. When I'm tired, I'm not as tired as I was when the caffeine dropped off or late at night. I can keep going at times when I would have needed to get another cup of coffee or at least a cola.
My physical sensitivity is down. My body feels good and vibrant. I'm breathing easier. I'm calmer. I have a more real focus: an ambient focus that takes everything in as I focus on each thing as it needs my attention. My mood is more stable. I'm realizing that a lot of things I was experiencing (fatigue, feeling on-edge, physical sensitivity and inability to see the big picture and think laterally) were because of caffeine withdrawals. My digestion is better and I have less heartburn than I used to too.
I still have occasional dips, occasional shakes and I still miss waking up with a cup of coffee, but every day is better and better. I never knew it could be this good. It was hard, and I know I have a bit more to go, but it's definitely been worth it.
